Ever After Designs Wedding Blog

This is the final blogpost from my Wedding Invitation Etiquette trilogy. This week I wanted to address the issue of wedding gifts.

I find that most of my couples have been together (and lived together) for many years. This will undoubtedly mean that they already have a nice home complete with appliances and furnishings. This may prompt some couples to include a sentence or two in their wedding invitations about not wanting any wedding gifts.

From an etiquette point of view, traditionally it is considered to be in very poor taste to mention anything relating to gifts on wedding invitations. However, times are changing and my view is that it is a personal choice that each couple should make for themselves. I would like to share my ideas for three different scenarios in this situation. These reflect real situations that I have encountered over the years with my brides.

1. No Gifts Please

The message is fairly simple, but those three words ‘no gifts please’ do come across quite harsh and rude. This can also cause offense to some guests who will enjoy spending time choosing a thoughtful gift. Personally I wouldn’t write anything at all, I would trust my family and friends to know that I really don’t need another toaster or a towel bale. But, for couples who insist, I would suggest something like this…

“We have lived together for many years and have everything that we need. Gifts are simply not necessary, your presence at our wedding is present enough”

2. Can I Ask For Money?

In terms of etiquette, again this is considered to be very rude. However, I feel that it depends on the situation and also the general attitude of the family/friends. I think that a little more information on what the money is for can help to make it sound better. For example…

“Your presence at our wedding is present enough. However, any contributions towards our honeymoon fund would be much appreciated.”

3. Charity Donations

Some couples may choose to donate gifts or money to a charity of their choice. This option is considered to be more acceptable from an etiquette point of view. The reason being that it is a selfless act and, obviously, is for a good cause. In this situation, I would suggest…

“We feel that gifts would be unnecessary, your presence is all that we require. However, please feel free to make a donation to (name of charity) in our honour”

I hope you have found this helpful in some way. Wedding Invitation Etiquette is subjective to an extent, which can cause a lot of confusion relating to the issues that I have discussed. I have tried to give an honest opinion from my point of view, taking into consideration traditional values within the context of our modern changing world.

Thank you

Rebecca x

This is part two of three blog posts that I have written on the tricky subject of Wedding Invitation Etiquette. I wanted to address the issue of potential complications regarding the host/s of the wedding.

Wedding Invitation wording should be written from the perspective of whomever will be hosting the wedding. Most modern weddings these days are hosted by the bride and groom themselves. However, traditionally it would be the parents of the bride. I would like to share with you a number of situations that I have experienced which can complicate the wording with regards to the host/s.

Both sets of parents?

This is a less traditional option, when both sets of parents wish to host the wedding day. I find that this happens most commonly when both sets of parents have contributed financially towards the wedding. I usually suggest something like this, with the parents of the bride first…

“Mr & Mrs John Howden

and

Mr & Mrs Steve Longden

would like to request the company of

(guest names)

to celebrate the marriage of their children

Claire

to

David

at St. Mary’s Church, Greendale

on Saturday 24th September 2011

at 2:00pm.

RSVP 51 Redfern Close, S28 7HB”

Parents Divorced?

In some situations, both parents of the bride may wish to host the wedding, despite the fact that they are now divorced. No bride would want to be in a position where they would have to choose one or the other! A rather simple solution that I would go for is…

“Mr John Howden

and

Mrs Jennifer Smith

would like to request the company of

(guest names)

to celebrate the marriage of their daughter

Claire

to

Mr David Longden

at St. Mary’s Church, Greendale

on Saturday 24th September 2011

at 2:00pm.

RSVP 51 Redfern Close, S28 7HB”

Note that each name is on a separate line, the father of the bride should go first.

Only One Parent?

A bride once came to me with a bit of a dilemma. Her father had tragically passed away, but she still wanted to mention his name on her invitations as a tribute to him. I thought this was a lovely sentiment, especially since the paternal role plays a huge part in a wedding. The wording in this situation has to be chosen very carefully. It would not be appropriate to use traditional wording here as the deceased cannot ‘host’ or ‘invite’. My suggestion was…

“Miss Claire Howden

daughter of Mrs Jennifer Howden and the late Mr John Howden

and

Mr David Longden

would like to request the company of

(guest names)

to celebrate their marriage

at St. Mary’s Church, Longden

on Saturday 24th September 2011

at 2:00pm.

RSVP 51 Redfern Close, S28 7HB”

Alternatively in this situation it may be more appropriate to leave the parents names off and instead pay tribute to the late father in the order of service book.

I hope this may have answered some of your wedding invitation wording questions. Look out for part three of my wedding etiquette blogposts on Monday.

Thank you

Rebecca x

For my first real blog post I decided to broach the sticky subject of wedding invitation etiquette, eek! I have much to say on this subject so will split it up over three blog posts over the next week or so. Here is part 1, I hope you find it informative!

No Children?

I am asked by customers on a regular basis how to tactfully inform their guests that they would prefer their wedding day to be child free on their wedding invitations. This can be quite tricky as it could potentially offend some wedding guests if not worded in a polite and respectful manner. Another popular dilemma is how to invite some children but not others.

One very obvious solution would be to make sure you omit the child’s/children’s name/s from the invitation and envelope. The guest should then assume that the child is not invited. Unfortunately this is not specific enough for some people, which is where the etiquette comes in. I usually suggest a line or two of text at the very bottom of the invitation (or on a seperate insert), in a smaller sized text. TIP: Try to avoid saying “No children”, it can come across as being a bit abrupt and rude. Here is a selection of my favourite and most popular phrases:

1. “With respect, we would like our special day to be an adult only occasion“.

2. “We would like to respectfully ask that our wedding day be for adults only“

You may wish to add on a specific reason in order to explain your decision in finer detail…

3. “In order to keep numbers to a minimum, i’m afraid we are unable to accommodate any children at our wedding“

4. “Due to the small size of our wedding venue, we are unable to invite any children. We also thought you might enjoy a night off.”

To finish, I have saved the most difficult until last. How to invite some children, but not others…

5. “To cut down on costs, i’m afraid we can only accommodate children of immediate family members. We hope you will enjoy having a night off!”

6. “In order to keep numbers to a minimum, we can only invite a small number of children. We also thought you might like a night off!”

I hope you have found this useful and would welcome any comments regarding this post. Look out for part 2 of our Wedding Etiquette series coming later this week.

Rebecca x